I Fell Off the Wagon

I fell off the wagon and have no one to blame but myself. I care too much about my family and friends to lie to you...

Whoa? What?

For those that know me well, it could mean a variety of things... Three to be exact!!!

#1 We arrived here in New York last Saturday night and I knew as soon as I arrived, I would be going down to Manhattan with my S.I.L. and her friends. As soon as I jumped in the car with a bunch of smokers, I lit up. Since then, I have been wandering outside with my F.I.L. and lighting up at every opportunity. I cannot believe my lack of will power... I was doing extremely well. I had been smoke-free more than four months.

My poor hubby had not been here most of the week and I neglected to mention it to him each time I spoke to him on the phone. I finally told him yesterday, casually as I walked out the back door to light up. I have also been avoiding speaking to my mother (sorry Mom, I love you) knowing full-well that I would break down and tell her. I can never seem to keep anything from her, I am a little too honest for my own good.

Smoking is bad for my health and I know it. I will say that I have done my best to limit the number of cigarettes per day to about 5 or so, except maybe that first Saturday I was here. No, seriously, I have. I refuse to buy a pack of smokes, knowing full well one leads to two. Also, if you are a smoker in New York, you know how expensive they are. HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!!

I have had one smoke this morning and have been up since 0730, I going to do my best to resist temptation the rest of the time I am here and call it quits. No promises! If I do this, it is for me.

#2 Prior to driving up here, I was doing quite well with my diet. For nearly two weeks, I was eating healthy and with the splurge Friday night at my buddy Jeremy's wedding I ate really well. I ensured that Saturday I ate healthy, knowing that I would be going out to dinner at Dos Caminos. I know, I know... I need to splurge a little. Have you ever tried to eat healthy in an environment you cannot control? I tried my best to bring stuff for my breakfast and lunches, problem was, I would leave the food downstairs in my S.I.L.s apartment and was too lazy to walk downstairs to get it. This morning, I made myself a healthy breakfast, Greek yogurt, which I mixed with Kashi Go Lean and a glass of diet cranberry juice. For lunch, I plan to make my favorite tuna recipe...

1 packet light tuna
2 tbsp feta
2 tbsp walnuts
2 diced sun-dried tomatoes in olive oil
1 100 calorie sandwich thin

Why do all this now, when I have no control of my environment... because I know over the next 24 hours, with the exception of Easter dinner, I have no control over the menu. What I do have control of is the portion size. I really need to put forth the effort because no one can force me to follow a diet, I have to have the will power. It is my life and my body!

#3 The two-weeks leading up to Easter break, I had been exercising almost daily and journaling ever calorie I ate and burned. I had packed up the Wii, so I could exercise while I was here; problem... who was going to watch the three kids while I worked out? Oh, that's right! NO ONE!!! I did manage to get a drunk workout in last Saturday when my S.I.L., her friend and I found ourselves at a bar in da' Bronx. I think we were the only ones burning holes in the dance floor. I wonder if walking around the supermarket with my M.I.L. for 90 minutes counts as exercise... I count it when I go shopping, but that is when I am pushing the shopping cart.

I have three weeks three weeks prior to weigh-ins and the semi-annual PFA and I am nowhere near ready. The next three weeks is going to be grueling on my body and it has to be done.

Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. I am not asking anyone to hold me accountable. I need to hold myself accountable.